Howzit, back again, but this time it’s small kine real talk. Today I feel like talking about what it’s like when trying to take photos of my family but Autism gets in the way. Let me set something straight before I go on. For those of you who are into saying “Oh, but you’re capturing the “real” moment” or “It’s organic””. PLEASE! Cut the crap out because coming from a parent who’s been dealing with Autism for 15 years. Once in a while, it’s nice to just have a normal boring picture taken. I’m all for natural candid stuff, but sometimes, us parents, just want some of your normalcy and have a plain, look in the camera, kind of picture.
Now that that’s out of the way (haha gotta let loose sometimes). Now we can talk story. So why not shoot on digital if Autism + film = no bueno? Because I just prefer to shoot film, plain and simple. So then I realized. If I’m not going to change what I prefer to shoot, I had to adjust HOW to shoot with film. Me being stubborn and dumb, I kept thinking to myself that I could make myself better if I just kept shooting. True, if I keep shooting, eventually I’ll get better. Only thing is, my kids aren’t gonna stay young and I know I won’t get fast overnight. So time isn’t on my side. I mean, I been forcing myself to shoot with my Hasselblad 503cw and Nikon FM3A. What an idiot I was haha.
So I finally gave in and came to my senses. Picked up the Pentax 645n and FA 75mm lens. MAN WHAT A DIFFERENCE! I was always shooting with manual lenses. Maybe because it made me feel like a professional I guess haha. It’s taking me some getting used to, shooting with all these electronic components and fancy auto focus metering stuff. My shots are still blurry because of how it auto focuses I guess, but at least now I’m giving myself a faster chance at capturing those moments instead of missing out on them. I’m new and still learning, but this auto focus will help considerably. Especially since the Contax N1 from braddah Jeff Rasmussen is headed my way. So stoked!
Being into film photography and wanting to capture all these moments on film, I’m not gonna lie, can be so frustrating a lot of times. Me and the wife are always getting creative with little tricks to catch her attention or make her smile. It’s crazy because one day it might be tickling her neck that makes her laugh hysterically, then the next, it’s singing the “Happy Birthday” song. Then there’s the days where all hell breaks loose and nothing you try or do can get her out of her tantrums except going back to the car. Those are the days that sometimes break me and I go in that phase that every parent sometimes ask themselves, “Why?”. It takes it’s toll man, the psychological stuff.
We are the family, that hold up the lines at holiday picture takings. We are the family, that looks like we can’t control our own kid. We are the family that people give “stink eye” sometimes, because we’re ruining their day. Is it a challenge for us as a family, to try and take a normal picture? Damn straight it is!
All I want to do is to be like those amazing photographers I’ve been introduced to in the Find In A Box Facebook group. They take the most awesome photos and it’s all on film. I see their work and that’s all I want to do for my own family. The reality is, I don’t live that luxury and I make the best of it. We do what we can as a family and try to have as much fun when taking photos. Sure, it won’t come out sharp, it won’t be composed properly, or it won’t be the best of poses, but let me tell you something. The pictures that do come out, man! They are ones that keep me going and the ones that keep me going back for more.
This one was pretty long but thank you for sitting down and talking story. Hope you come back for more and I’ll probably be writing more about my adventure into film and how I try to make it work with having Autism in our lives. Until next time! Shoots!